[RL with Kirk - are you afraid of the dark?]

[cannotemotealie]

[Emo knows that, logically, there's nothing really awful going on here. His mask is gone - so what? Go to bed, sleep through the day, call in sick to work, it'll be fine after the virus wears off. It has to be a virus too because he doesn't just misplace his eyes. But there are sounds in his house and it's a shitty place with shitty locks and what if the virus has nothing to do with the sounds? What if there's - what if someone's in here and he can't see so he can't fight them off and what if they lock him in a closet and burn the goddamned place down or something? He doesn't know what people might do to him and that's the worst part.

At least he can maybe help out Kirk, and then not focus on this, but shit, he can't just wander around without the goddamned mask because that'll put everyone off their fucking lunch. Dinner. God it's so early in the morning, he could just go to sleep -

He struggles out of his room, moves through the living room by memory and reaches the kitchen, groping around for a towel and throwing it over his face before collapsing into a chair - or, misplacing the chair and instead collapsing to the floor.] Fuck!

Comments

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Jim arrives looking like he hasn't slept in days - probably about a month, actually, since he's had real sleep.] Hey, Emo. [He makes his presence known immediately, knowing what silence might do to a blind man. He walks into the living room before he notices Emo on the floor, but when he does, he doesn't say anything, just moves to help him up, putting a hand on his arm and helping him into the chair.] Easy, buddy.

[He means it to sound encouraging, but it probably just infantilizes him. Oops. When Emo's back in his chair, Jim goes to take a seat on the couch, debating commenting on the towel for a moment. Instead, he sits in the comfortable silence. It's nice to be in the company of a friend for the first time in a long time. He rests his forearms on his knees comfortably.] Nice place. [As if he hadn't just come in and found him on the floor in a mess.]

you can choose if he hears anything or not but it's emo's fear more than anything :x

[cannotemotealie]

[Emo just grunts and puts his head in his hands, keeping the towel over his head because he really, really doesn't need people to see this shit. Fuck. He hears Kirk moving around, hears him sit down and this is the worst possible first meeting IRL he could ever imagine.] Yeah. It's - it works. [He sighs and doesn't even try to look up,] Look, the whole - I'm saving face RN, okay? I don't need you see-

[He cuts off when he hears floorboards creak in the kitchen, the sound of a door shutting softly, and he jerks his head up to listen.] Did you hear that?

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[No. He hadn't heard anything, but he knew from the tone of Emo's voice that making it look like he was just paranoid was just going to be another blow to the guy's confidence. One that he couldn't take. Shakily, Jim got to his feet.] I'll go check it out. [He didn't have his phaser, it had been taken when he signed his own decommissioning paperwork, but Emo didn't need to know that.] Want me to get you anything while I'm in there?

[cannotemotealie]

[This was pathetic, what was he? Some kind of fucking loser or something who needed Kirk to check his closets for monsters?] GD it. [He slumps into the chair.] How about my mask, LOL? - Or a beer. Surly over freaked out, man, 's in the kitchen, under the sink in a black trashbag. Not cold but who cares. [Dully,] Grab as many as you want.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Jim moved to the kitchen with a nod - when he realized Emo couldn't see it, he vocalized his confirmation with a quick 'yeah'. He raised a brow that Emo couldn't see at the black trashbag, but didn't comment. To each his own, right? Kneeling, he pulled two beers out of the trashbag and tucked it away once more, going back to the living room and putting one in Emo's hand.]

There's nothing in there. You probably just heard a rat or something. No big.

[cannotemotealie]

[He sighed and held tight on he bottle for the sheer fact that it was something tangible and really familiar.] Yeah, a rat. Right. [Except he was getting phantom phone calls and shit and he didn't like how easily he was getting freaked out. It was just a trick.] Gotta warn you, bro, this face of my isn't exactly pretty. [Kirk was a big boy, he could handle it. And he wasn't going to keep wearing this fake-ass burqa bullshit anyway, especially since he needed to open the bottle and actually drink. Thank God his coordination was good enough when it came to himself.

He shifted a bit and twisted off the cap, pausing for just a second before giving up on being a shy fucking lameass with too many issues and let the towel drop so he could take a long swig.] This fucking sucks.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Not many things shocked James Tiberius Kirk. He'd seen salt monsters that absorbed salt through people's skin, he'd seen slave women with green skin and he'd seen Spock bleed green. But, he'd never seen a human look like Emo did. He was shocked into silence for just a little too long for it to be his reaction time to Emo's statement, so he cleared his throat.]

Guess it's too much to ask for even one of us to have a good day.

[cannotemotealie]

LOL, man. Tried to warn you, I'm not winning any modeling contests any time soon. [He took another swig and suddenly appreciated the fact that at least he couldn't see Kirk's expression. That shit would not be cool.] I'm, uh, pretty much positive this is a virus, bro. It'll be fine. [It'll all be fine - a door slammed down the hall and he tensed, but he didn't say a thing.] Uh, so - are you... y'know, are you okay?

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, not jealous of you getting hit by this one. [He tries to ignore the question at first, but he finally looks away from Emo and pops open his own beer, taking a long drink.] I'm fine. [It's a lie, but it will get the subject dropped.]

[cannotemotealie]

[Except Emo isn't the kind of guy who drops stuff.] Man, are you sure? 'Cos... I mean, that whole... thing. [He frowned (kind of),] You shouldn't be fine.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Jim gets to his feet and god he just needs to hit something. He takes his anger out on a video game console on the floor, kicking it across the room.] Yeah, Emo, I'm fucking perfect. [He's shouting. He shouldn't be taking this out on Emo, but he is.]

I got my whole crew killed, I had to resign my commission to Star Fleet and I had to listen to Admiral Pike tell me what a goddamn disappointment I am to him. Like I haven't heard that enough in my life. [He pauses, and for a minute it looks like he's winding up again, but his breaths come out in pants from the energy he put into shouting and he quiets some.]

But, no, Emo. I'm fine. I've lost everything. My best friend is dead because of me, but I'm perfectly fucking peachy.

[cannotemotealie]

[He heard the crack of what sounded like his X-Box, big fucking plastic monstrosity that it was, and just frowned more, listening to Jim and trying to figure out how to... not apologize, since he meant to get him to actually talk, but... relate or some shit. He wasn't exactly a fucking psychologist. When Jim finally seems to have calmed down, he says,] I'm not trying to make you say you're fine, man. That kind of shit is exactly what they always tell you not to hold in, y'know? BTW, I got three of every console there and there's a bat somewhere in my room if you wanna go Office Space on my shit.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Jim is trembling a little - anger, maybe, more likely disbelief and inability to process the tragedy. He doesn't say anything at first, then shakes his hand out to try and get the tremors to go away.] It doesn't feel real. [He doesn't make it back to the couch before he sinks to his knees, putting his hands in his lap and looking down at them, turning them over in his hands.] I feel like any day now they're going to walk up and it's going to be like it never happened and it's just a... bad dream. An illusion caused by one of Sulu's [he laughs as he says this] stupid plants and its spores, I don't know.

It's not supposed to be this easy for everything to disappear. I worked my ass off, and... and it's all my fault. I fucked up. Spock was right, I should have been scared. I never learned to be scared.

[cannotemotealie]

[Emo shifts in his seat a bit and then downs the rest of his beer, dropping it off to the side and pushing himself up to his feet. He can't sit down, no offense to Jim and all but he's got issues too right now.] Fuck that shit, man. You keep acting like everything is your fault but sometimes shit happens and it's out of your control. And yeah, it doesn't feel real and all that but it will, and it should, because that's how this kinda thing works.

[He can swear he hears someone breathing right behind him.] At least you aren't hallucinating them coming back or something, man, you're not crazy. And for the record, I don't believe that being scared makes you any better a person than someone who doesn't fear anything. Christ, that just makes you freeze up.

[He moves with relative certainty, pacing more than trying to find anything.] Wasn't lying about the bat, BTW.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

But, it was my fault. [It was the first time he'd admitted it since the accident. Well, that was progress. It hurt more to admit it, though, and suddenly it was like the wound was fresh again.] It was a bad judgment call. I wasn't taking it seriously. If I'd listened to Spock-- [He'd still be alive. Bones would still be alive. They'd all still be alive. He wasn't going to cry in front of Emo, though, so he just inhaled deeply.]

I may take you up on that. Not now, though. [He took a drink. It kept him from admitting that he'd prefer to be hallucinating them still alive because then at least he'd get to apologize.]

[cannotemotealie]

[He leans against the wall and tries to tilt his head away from Jim instead of just staring blindly right at him. Shit was disconcerting, he knew that.] I don't know what to tell you, bro, because I don't know if you want to hear that you should learn to live with it or if you should bottle it all up and wait until you get drunk enough to call out Sylar and let him beat the shit outta you or something. What do you want to hear, Jim?

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

He's not talking to me. [He explained as if that would otherwise be a good option. Getting his ass kicked was always a good choice when things were going to shit.] I haven't heard from him since before the accident. I know he's mad, but shit. I don't know. Have you heard from him? It feels like something's... wrong.

[cannotemotealie]

[Emo snorted and shrugged his shoulders.] The dude's probably sulking. You broke his heart, man, what do you expect? [He didn't know if he was being serious or not so he just shook his head.] He's probably off killing somebody with his crazy Nastyman bullshit. He'll get over it and feel like shit when he comes back to the community and sees... y'know.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

It's just a little too ironic for me. He bitches at me about not caring... anyway. As long as you think he's all right. [He picked himself up off the floor, trying to sacrifice as little dignity as possible. Moving back to the couch, he collapsed into it, taking a drink from his beer. Still warm. Eugh. He didn't say anything.]

[cannotemotealie]

He's got fucking mind powers, man, how the fuck isn't he gonna be all right? He's like... I don't know, bizarro Superman or something.

[He was about to espouse on just how much of a crazy, self-defending sonofabitch Sylar could be when he heard footsteps in the kitchen. Okay, not cool, but apparently Jim couldn't hear it so he was just hallucinating. Fuck the community, man, this shit sucked - and then he felt a hand grabbed him by the back of the neck. Abandoning all pretense of pretending not to hallucinate shit, Emo let out a yell and spun, lashing out with a fist and punching the wooden arch leading into the kitchen. Swearing, he threw himself backwards and stumbled over his own feet, falling on his ass.] Son of a bitch!

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

Well, he's-- [Jim leaped to his feet because suddenly Emo was punching at something that's not there and falling over himself and fuck if that's not worrying. He rushed to his side, putting a hand on his shoulder.] Hey. Man, it's all right, there's nothing there. Nobody's... [He looks around to make sure.] Well. Assuming you don't have any invisible friends... no one's here.

[cannotemotealie]

[Emo barely resisted flailing against Jim's hand, already frustrated at himself for overreacting and still looking around like he could see a goddamned thing.] Fuck. See, I - ugh. [He rubbed his bruised knuckles, gritting his teeth.] If one of those fucking Snots built some kinda fuckin' invisibility cloak, I'mma kill 'em.

[He quietly rubbed his hand for a minute and then mumbled,] This virus fucking sucks.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

It's probably got the whole community freaking out like-- [this. That was a bad word choice, so he paused, then recovered.] Freaking out like there are monsters under their bed. We've gotta find a way to stop them. But, not now. For now, let's just get you off the floor. [He wrapped his hand around one of Emo's using it to pull him to his feet and guide him back to the chair.] Anything I can get you?

[cannotemotealie]

[He would roll his eyes if he had them; instead, he just helped Jim help him up and flopped into the chair unceremoniously, putting a hand over his face.] Fuck this shit, man, I'm not an invalid. [Not to say he wasn't grateful; he just wanted to prove to Jim that he wasn't some kind of dumbass blind cripple.] I can usually get around all right without the stupid thing, but - [The house was newer, he never wandered around it blind, he kept hearing people...] It's harder here. ...Thanks, though. I'm good. [A weak grin,] But if you're up, go play wife and get me another beer.

[yeswedo.livejournal.com]

[Jim laughed, patting his shoulder reassuringly. He may not understand exactly what Emo was going through, but he had a sense of how broken he felt. That was something he could relate to.] I'd say I don't want Sylar to get jealous, but, well... Lost him already. [He sounded bitter, but it wasn't bitterness aimed at anyone but himself. He'd spent the week being an idiot and he was just getting what he deserved. It was time to learn not to push people away. Not all of them would keep masochistically running back like Bones had.]