cannotemotealie | [RL with Kirk - are you afraid of the dark?]

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[RL with Kirk - are you afraid of the dark?]

[Emo knows that, logically, there's nothing really awful going on here. His mask is gone - so what? Go to bed, sleep through the day, call in sick to work, it'll be fine after the virus wears off. It has to be a virus too because he doesn't just misplace his eyes. But there are sounds in his house and it's a shitty place with shitty locks and what if the virus has nothing to do with the sounds? What if there's - what if someone's in here and he can't see so he can't fight them off and what if they lock him in a closet and burn the goddamned place down or something? He doesn't know what people might do to him and that's the worst part.

At least he can maybe help out Kirk, and then not focus on this, but shit, he can't just wander around without the goddamned mask because that'll put everyone off their fucking lunch. Dinner. God it's so early in the morning, he could just go to sleep -

He struggles out of his room, moves through the living room by memory and reaches the kitchen, groping around for a towel and throwing it over his face before collapsing into a chair - or, misplacing the chair and instead collapsing to the floor.] Fuck!

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I'm not - [Yes he was. Okay, shutting up now. He sighs when Jim speaks.] Good. I don't - you getting all bitchy and flouncing would fucking suck right now, is all.

I wouldn't "flounce" on you right now, Emo. Period. You need me. [You're the only one who does and I need to be needed.]

[I don't need you nearly got through his mouth before he stopped it; that'd be a dick move and it was a fucking lie, anyway. This wasn't a lying virus, it was a your worst fears manifest virus.] ...Yeah, okay. Maybe I do - but you don't tell anybody. Not even Sylar. [Another one of those weak grins,] He'd think you were cheating on him with me and then we'd both be fucked instead of just you. You know how emotional he gets.

He'd get jealous and kill you, and then I'd feel bad. [There was a smile on his face because it was remembering 'the good times' before he had fucked up every relationship he had except for this one.]

Knowing him he'd just go eat a gallon of ice cream and make you tell him how beautiful he is. [He laughed, finished his beer in a few quick gulps,] I really gotta wonder what his girlfriend must be thinking. How's a guy like him get a girl while all I get is you and warm beer?

[And all Jim had was nothing. It was hard not to mention the jab he felt at that comment, so instead he joked it off. Because, that was what he did best.] I already complimented his hair once this week, twice would be too far. Besides, from what I hear, his girlfriend's just as crazy as him.

[See, the thing was that Emo totally realized he'd said it, but there was the fact that Jim didn't seem to care. Okay. He'd make up for it, hopefully.] No fucking kidding, I wouldn't even be surprised. [Change the subject, somehow, his girlfriend was useless conversation fodder.] Can he really not get drunk? I think he was bullshitting me.

I'd have to have Bones check him out to be sure, but he showed me that he can heal. I guess if you think hard about it, [which Jim wasn't planning on doing] it could extend to keeping him from getting drunk, too.

[He tried really hard to ignore the "Bones" comment.] Huh. Motherfucker, that just means I have to get creative. ...Oh, BTW. I got him a paintball gun for his birthday, so I'd be careful at the party.

[He paused, and the realization that his entire crew just died hit him like a train and he had to try his damndest to hold it together.] ...Emo, I don't think I'm going to make it to your party.

[He sighed.] Yeah, I kinda figured that. [He groaned and shifted; he wanted to stand up and pace again but if that goddamned whispering and handgrabbing came back, he'd be worse off than before.] Look, dude, I know you're not big on the emotional upheaval and shit, and I'm no good at this being Dr. Phil or anything, but, uh. Well, y'know. You can talk. [God damn, he was a dumbass.]

Sorry. [It was muttered, he tried not to let Emo's words get to him because fuck he was better than this, he couldn't just let himself go. He'd had a life he was perfectly happy with - mostly, okay, no, that was a lie. The point was that he had a life before Star Fleet and he'd have a life after so he had nothing to bitch about. It was his own fuck up and he'd deal with it on his own.] I don't really think talking will do anything about it.

Don't be sorry. [Okay, maybe he wasn't the best at this but for Jim he'd try.] It probably won't help anybody but you, and since you're who I'm giving a shit about, I say that works for both of us.

If I wanted to talk about what happened, I would have seen one of the dozen shrinks Star Fleet offered. [Fuck. He shouldn't have mentioned that he'd neglected to see a shrink about the incident whatsoever. Probably had something to do with his 'strongly suggested' resignation, come to think of it.]

Do I look like a fucking shrink, bro? I don't have any fucking eyeballs. [God he wished he had his mask. As lame as it was, he was thinking in emoticons now and he really wanted to show it.]

I said I don't want to fucking talk about it! [He was shouting. That wasn't a good way to prove you didn't need to talk about something. Fuck.]

I'm pretty sure you don't want a lot of things, Jim. [He raised an eyebrow as best he could,] You know, like getting decommissioned and shit. [A low blow, yeah, but he'd rather have Jim flipping out than him. Shallow, maybe, but... well. He was freaking out over invisible assailants. He had his reasons.]

[Jim tried not to get angry. He really did, but that was just taking it too far. He got to his feet.] Good news is, you don't have any monsters under your bed. Bad news is, I'm done looking. I'm out.

Out where, you dumbass? Sylar's AWOL and I know what you're doing. The whole "walking out" thing is something my family is known for, and if you leave right now you're just going to be a fucking douchebag. [He should stop, he should apologize, he couldn't be alone right now!] Don't leave, you sonofabitch.

I'm not your family, I don't owe you shit. Maybe if you weren't such a dick I wouldn't be considering it in the first place. Besides, it's not like I don't have anywhere else to go. I've got a fucking family too, you know. In Iowa. They'd be happy to have me back from Star Fleet. [The fact that this wasn't true almost had him in tears. But, Emo couldn't see that, so the lie was in tact and that was all that mattered.]

[God damn it how did this shit work in the movies? He wasn't Sean Connery and he couldn't do the "it's not your fault" thing because Jim would probably not get it and would sock him -

Well hey.

He pushed himself up and took a step or two in the direction of Jim's voice.] You haven't even told them yet, have you? And you know why I'm being a dick, because you're abandoning me. It's not a cool thing to do. I'm fucking blind, you asshole! I need you and you're gonna back out because you're a coward, huh? No wonder you got your ass decommissioned, you probably walked out on their shrink too! Well boo-fucking-hoo for Jim T. Kirk, former Captain of the USS motherfucking Enterprise!

[He hadn't told him because they hadn't talked to him since he joined. He hadn't told them because he hadn't even told them where he was going when he left four year ago. He hadn't told them because he was ashamed of himself and he wasn't ready to crawl back yet. Without thinking, he lashed out - took a step and delivered a right hook to Emo's fucked up jaw.]

Shut up! You don't know shit about me or my family or my goddamn ship, so just shut up! They're all dead because of me I'm not about to go fucking preach to the world about what a fuck up I am.

You don't know what it's like to have to crawl back while you're a fucking pariah for surviving a tragedy just like the one your dad became a hero dying in. You don't know!

[Since he couldn't see the punch coming, he couldn't brace for it; he staggered back and fell into the chair again with a shout but hell yeah. That was more like it. Rite of passage and shit, right? He shoved himself back up and glared at Jim's voice.] Cry more, you fucking pussy. I'm really fucking feeling for you and your shitty fucking punches. You'd think they'd at least train a Captain how to throw a goddamned right hook! You're all a-fucking-lone, aren't you, man? Everybody's gotta pity you so you can pretend to be the big bad Jim Kirk! It's fucking bullshit, man! [He lashed out with a foot, swiping it in Jim's direction and could only hope that he really was as close as he felt he was - maybe Jim was just shouting that loudly, but he knew how to get around blind.]

Tell me how I throw shitty punches when you fight a bunch of goddamned romulans, asshole. [He stumbled over Emo's foot, wincing as it stung his shin pretty badly, but he used the momentum to fall towards Emo and grab him by the front of his shirt, dragging him back to his feet.] I don't want your fucking pity, I just want you to shut up. [With that, he shoved him backwards. Let it not be said that Jim treated him like he had a handicap.]

[It may have been a cheap shot but when he felt Jim shove him, he reached out and backhanded him as he went crashing to the ground.] Why's that? Because you're such a fucking pussy that you can't handle someone actually telling you how you're acting? Which is like a fucking asshole, BTW. Your crew would totally love to see you acting like nothing's wrong, right? [He rolls onto his hands and knees and pushes himself up, slow.] Yeah, if you're gonna run from the guy who actually needs you, who's hearing fucking voices, just because he's not pulling his punches, then I bet they're real proud.

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