[Jim is trembling a little - anger, maybe, more likely disbelief and inability to process the tragedy. He doesn't say anything at first, then shakes his hand out to try and get the tremors to go away.] It doesn't feel real. [He doesn't make it back to the couch before he sinks to his knees, putting his hands in his lap and looking down at them, turning them over in his hands.] I feel like any day now they're going to walk up and it's going to be like it never happened and it's just a... bad dream. An illusion caused by one of Sulu's [he laughs as he says this] stupid plants and its spores, I don't know.

It's not supposed to be this easy for everything to disappear. I worked my ass off, and... and it's all my fault. I fucked up. Spock was right, I should have been scared. I never learned to be scared.